I was in the West End recently with elder son Jake and wanted, for reasons too woven to explain, to verify the distance of the Sun from the Earth. I could have asked Siri this most simple of questions but as he is as dim as a box of squirrels I couldn't be arsed. Besides … Continue reading THE PITILESS PERFECTION OF BINARY
When I lived at Malthouse Farm Buster lived up at the top of the lane. I met him at the beginning of my last summer at the house, by the end of the holiday I was gone. I had never had a best friend before and didn't really know how to identify one, but Buster … Continue reading FEAR OF HEIGHTS
When I was young and had my whole life in front of me I wanted nothing more than to be older. To have less life in front of me. I had time to burn and a box of matches. But this was the seventies, the pre-information age, so my longing for the years to pass … Continue reading PEANUTS FOR CHINA
This isn't exactly a short poem, nor is it exactly how it happened as it is eighteen months compressed into a single day that occurred almost fifty years ago. It's more about mood than accuracy, I've taken liberties, so much so that my big sister Sandy isn't in it, sorry Suds, but fifth doesn't rhyme with … Continue reading PIG BREAD
I am a parent. There I said it. I have children, too many children, I keep telling the youngest that I am taking him back but he just smiles at me and nods kindly. He owns me and somewhat undermines my attempts to convince myself that I am not defined by my kids. I am not, … Continue reading THE KINK IN YOUR JOLLIES
I can be the advocate of the very devil. In order to better understand the beliefs of someone I disagree with I put myself in their place and allow their opinion to lap over my infernal gunwales. I can find myself arguing in favour of some pretty grim views but sometimes it is the only … Continue reading THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE
The first house I ever lived in was number 25 Poplar Avenue. It was nothing special, a fifties suburban semi, but I loved it. Primary school was at the top of the hill and as a shy child the walk home was always more about the destination than the journey. Our front gate had 25 … Continue reading THE EXPLICABLE PERSISTENCE OF MINI METROS IN THE MIND OF SOMEONE LOOKING OUT FOR THEM
Memories are curious things, mine has always been selective but of late it simply refuses to have anything to do with anything it deems less than crucial, according to Libby this means just about everything of a domestic nature. Absent mindedness is often the default position of the overtly brilliant, it is supposed to indicate an … Continue reading IN SEARCH OF THE ABSENT MIND
I have always preferred my clothes plain. Not boring plain. I like texture and colour but have always felt that patterns and graphics overwhelm form and date rapidly. This is also how I feel about skin, our bodies are not improved by a pattern, very little is, with the possible exception of big cats and … Continue reading HERE THERE BE DRAGONS
About twenty five years ago I had an engineer friend called Robert The Cow who was really quite brilliant and expert at designing milking machines and ancillary equipment for the dairy industry. Robert came up with all sorts of very useful devices for popping tassels on udders but one day, for no particular reason, he … Continue reading DEAR HUMANS, YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED
THE ACCIDENTAL HUMAN 