When I was a young man I once stood in front of the hall mirror and pushed back my hair to reveal my hairline. ‘Well,’ I said to myself proudly, ‘You never have to worry about going bald.’ So thick was my hair that, growing up, the only instruction my Gran would ever give the … Continue reading THE RECONCILABLE LOSS OF THE HAIR APPARENT
People don't read anymore, you're not reading this but in case you are, hello Mum. If you are not my Mother then I have to assume that you don't really want me to tell you anything so I will do my very best to only tell you things you think you are already aware of. … Continue reading DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER
What is more likely? That God made us in his image or that we made God in ours? My eldest son has finally given up his belief in Father Christmas. Last year we had to put the apostate in isolation in order to avoid the idea spreading to his younger brothers. What was doubt now … Continue reading THE GOD, THE CAT AND THE CURLY WURLY
I have always maintained that the truth is what I say it is, even when writing twaddle, but not anymore, I daren’t. Now the truth is whatever the internet says it is. Apparently. The trouble with being a fabulist is that people might actually believe you, which is the opposite of the problem now suffered … Continue reading THE ADOLESCENT GOD AND THE INTERNEST OF VIPERS
Just to make it absolutely clear before we start, I am not a scientist or a mathematician, just ask Mr Faben-Ward, my touchy-feely-days-of-yore maths tutor who was known to squeeze my thigh in excitement and exclaim ‘It’s not rocket science Richard, it’s the nine times table!’ Thereby confirming my 'not a scientist' admission and explaining … Continue reading TO INFINITY AND BEYONCÉ
Naming a piece of furniture is never easy. In fact I would argue that it is even more difficult than naming a boat, or a hairdressers or even a child and that is really difficult. For example I once knew an upholsterer who thought it was a good idea to name his yacht ‘The Tacks … Continue reading FLOUNCY DUMPLINS AND THE FAILINGS OF THE SELF
Hello is that the furniture and lighting shop? Ah, good, it’s Keith here, I was in earlier, you know, the annoying guy you spent an hour with, again, helping me with the light? Ha. Well thank you it’s really appreciated, you certainly have a lot of knowledge and experience and a great selection of lights … Continue reading I LIKE TO SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESS ME
Warning! Profligate use of exclamation marks ahead! Good grief! I have just about had enough of the internet, following me about like some creepy stalker-hawker! So yes, I confess, I am a man of a certain age but I don’t in any way identify with the irresistible slip towards terminal decline. So why does the … Continue reading EXIT, PURSUED BY A BEAR
My alarm goes off at 6.00 am… well actually my wife’s alarm goes off, I don’t have an alarm. Libby gets up to do all sorts of secret stuff for and with the kids, I roll over. At seven I awake again, mostly because a six year boy is slapping me about the face. I … Continue reading A DAY IN THE LIFE OF RICHARD BAKER, INTERNATIONAL FURNITURE GURU
Okay yes it is true, I have been away. I could pretend that it was only a matter of days, just casually pick up where I left off but that would seem disingenuous, a bit like the guilty emails I send to my mother that read as a seamless spontaneous outpouring but actually take three … Continue reading SUGS AND THE BIRTH OF A NOTION
THE ACCIDENTAL HUMAN 