I was in the West End recently with elder son Jake and wanted, for reasons too woven to explain, to verify the distance of the Sun from the Earth. I could have asked Siri this most simple of questions but as he is as dim as a box of squirrels I couldn't be arsed. Besides … Continue reading THE PITILESS PERFECTION OF BINARY
What exactly is the fun part of getting old? When does it start? The fun. I keep hearing or reading about people who extol the depletion process. Celebrities often. Actors usually. They speak about finding themselves with age, about how they have reached a greater understanding of life, how they have learned to appreciate every … Continue reading THE SUN, THE PENDULUM AND THE ATOM
Zackary is eleven and has come to the belated realisation that at some point in the distant future he is going to die. Obviously he has known about death for a while, he has lost a dog and a grandparent but for some reason he had never made the connection with himself before. When it … Continue reading I LOVE YOU, TERMS AND CONDITIONS MAY APPLY
Just to make it absolutely clear before we start, I am not a scientist or a mathematician, just ask Mr Faben-Ward, my touchy-feely-days-of-yore maths tutor who was known to squeeze my thigh in excitement and exclaim ‘It’s not rocket science Richard, it’s the nine times table!’ Thereby confirming my 'not a scientist' admission and explaining … Continue reading TO INFINITY AND BEYONCÉ
Naming a piece of furniture is never easy. In fact I would argue that it is even more difficult than naming a boat, or a hairdressers or even a child and that is really difficult. For example I once knew an upholsterer who thought it was a good idea to name his yacht ‘The Tacks … Continue reading FLOUNCY DUMPLINS AND THE FAILINGS OF THE SELF
‘I’ve been reading your thingama blog.’ Says my father. ‘Very interesting.’ I look up from fixing his iPad, having already closed at least a hundred web pages and deleted countless inadvertent selfies of his feet. I peer at him, over hated but strategically remembered glasses. Interesting word interesting. There is the interesting exhibit at the … Continue reading INTERESTING AND THOUGHTFUL
Hello is that the furniture and lighting shop? Ah, good, it’s Keith here, I was in earlier, you know, the annoying guy you spent an hour with, again, helping me with the light? Ha. Well thank you it’s really appreciated, you certainly have a lot of knowledge and experience and a great selection of lights … Continue reading I LIKE TO SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESS ME
Warning! Profligate use of exclamation marks ahead! Good grief! I have just about had enough of the internet, following me about like some creepy stalker-hawker! So yes, I confess, I am a man of a certain age but I don’t in any way identify with the irresistible slip towards terminal decline. So why does the … Continue reading EXIT, PURSUED BY A BEAR
Much is said about the nightmare of Christmas, about how commercialism has destroyed it, about how children see nothing but the next present, about the cabin fever of being locked away with recalcitrant relatives. According to an ever-so-slightly desperate media Christmas is little more than a sponsored binge before the diet season, when retailers conspire to … Continue reading AND SO IS THIS CHRISTMAS?
On Tuesday just gone my Volvo’s plip failed and I couldn’t get into the car. I was temporarily insensible, flummoxed, stabbing the lifeless plip at the door, peering helplessly in through the side windows with thoughts of vehicular infidelity. I deserved better, a vehicle that welcomed my approach, one that would let me in. I … Continue reading MY WHOLE IS OTHER THAN THE SIM OF MY PARTS
THE ACCIDENTAL HUMAN 