Memories are curious things, mine has always been selective but of late it simply refuses to have anything to do with anything it deems less than crucial, according to Libby this means just about everything of a domestic nature. Absent mindedness is often the default position of the overtly brilliant, it is supposed to indicate an … Continue reading IN SEARCH OF THE ABSENT MIND
I have always preferred my clothes plain. Not boring plain. I like texture and colour but have always felt that patterns and graphics overwhelm form and date rapidly. This is also how I feel about skin, our bodies are not improved by a pattern, very little is, with the possible exception of big cats and … Continue reading HERE THERE BE DRAGONS
About twenty five years ago I had an engineer friend called Robert The Cow who was really quite brilliant and expert at designing milking machines and ancillary equipment for the dairy industry. Robert came up with all sorts of very useful devices for popping tassels on udders but one day, for no particular reason, he … Continue reading DEAR HUMANS, YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED
There has been growing speculation lately about the future potential of Artificial Intelligence. It seems some of our wealthiest thinkers and celebrity scientists are increasingly at odds over the evolutionary implications of the rise and rise of the machine mind. Some are convinced that in the not too distant future AI will be the salvation of … Continue reading I WOEBOT
For a sizeable proportion of the population life is destined to be lived like a sinner pulled between the wild eyed horses of the food and diet industries. It is the function of the food industry to make you eat what you think you want, to make you think it's your choice to have a … Continue reading I PREDICT A DIET
What is it with TV and moony lesbians? You can't have two girls in the same show these days without a certain frisson, an undercurrent of unspoken possibility and before you know it everyone else has left and the two girls are instantly engaged in a quick round of hide the vegan sausage. Nothing wrong … Continue reading MOONY TUNES
When I was a boy if my father was ever in error or had a misadventure he would always somehow manage to give the impression that whatever it was hadn’t actually happened. This gave rise to the notion that my father was unerring, which he was, except he wasn’t. It’s just that I have absolutely … Continue reading BUILT-IN OBSOLESCENCE VS. BUILT-IN REDUNDANCY
It has been well documented that we gauge our own intelligence by the intelligence of our peer groups. You might well be under the impression that you are incredibly clever but that could simply be because those you associate with aren't. You might well be the smartest person you know, the smartest person in the room, but that … Continue reading AVERAGE, PENNILESS, MONOGAMOUS, MISANTHROPIST
I am packing suitcases so that Libby, the boys and I can take our reluctant leave of Cornwall. I am being observed by a visiting Australian brother-in-law who for no particular reason, starts to sing absently. ‘I’m not a pheasant plucker, I’m a pheasant plucker’s mate, I'm only plucking pheasants…’ ‘Cos the pleasant fucker's...’ ‘LATE!’ He … Continue reading BAD LANGUAGE AND HOW TO USE IT
When I was a young man I once stood in front of the hall mirror and pushed back my hair to reveal my hairline. ‘Well,’ I said to myself proudly, ‘You never have to worry about going bald.’ So thick was my hair that, growing up, the only instruction my Gran would ever give the … Continue reading THE RECONCILABLE LOSS OF THE HAIR APPARENT
THE ACCIDENTAL HUMAN 