People don't read anymore, you're not reading this but in case you are, hello Mum. If you are not my Mother then I have to assume that you don't really want me to tell you anything so I will do my very best to only tell you things you think you are already aware of. … Continue reading DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER
What is more likely? That God made us in his image or that we made God in ours? My eldest son has finally given up his belief in Father Christmas. Last year we had to put the apostate in isolation in order to avoid the idea spreading to his younger brothers. What was doubt now … Continue reading THE GOD, THE CAT AND THE CURLY WURLY
What is it about dogs? They have horrible breath, ruin the sofa, trail mud, fart and leave, bury your wallet, push you over, bark at anything, lick your face, make you walk in the rain and pick up their poo. Let’s face it if that was someone you met on tinder you wouldn’t be meeting … Continue reading FOR THE LOVE OF DOG
What exactly is the fun part of getting old? When does it start? The fun. I keep hearing or reading about people who extol the depletion process. Celebrities often. Actors usually. They speak about finding themselves with age, about how they have reached a greater understanding of life, how they have learned to appreciate every … Continue reading THE SUN, THE PENDULUM AND THE ATOM
Zackary is eleven and has come to the belated realisation that at some point in the distant future he is going to die. Obviously he has known about death for a while, he has lost a dog and a grandparent but for some reason he had never made the connection with himself before. When it … Continue reading I LOVE YOU, TERMS AND CONDITIONS MAY APPLY
I have always maintained that the truth is what I say it is, even when writing twaddle, but not anymore, I daren’t. Now the truth is whatever the internet says it is. Apparently. The trouble with being a fabulist is that people might actually believe you, which is the opposite of the problem now suffered … Continue reading THE ADOLESCENT GOD AND THE INTERNEST OF VIPERS
Just to make it absolutely clear before we start, I am not a scientist or a mathematician, just ask Mr Faben-Ward, my touchy-feely-days-of-yore maths tutor who was known to squeeze my thigh in excitement and exclaim ‘It’s not rocket science Richard, it’s the nine times table!’ Thereby confirming my 'not a scientist' admission and explaining … Continue reading TO INFINITY AND BEYONCÉ
Naming a piece of furniture is never easy. In fact I would argue that it is even more difficult than naming a boat, or a hairdressers or even a child and that is really difficult. For example I once knew an upholsterer who thought it was a good idea to name his yacht ‘The Tacks … Continue reading FLOUNCY DUMPLINS AND THE FAILINGS OF THE SELF
‘I’ve been reading your thingama blog.’ Says my father. ‘Very interesting.’ I look up from fixing his iPad, having already closed at least a hundred web pages and deleted countless inadvertent selfies of his feet. I peer at him, over hated but strategically remembered glasses. Interesting word interesting. There is the interesting exhibit at the … Continue reading INTERESTING AND THOUGHTFUL
Hello is that the furniture and lighting shop? Ah, good, it’s Keith here, I was in earlier, you know, the annoying guy you spent an hour with, again, helping me with the light? Ha. Well thank you it’s really appreciated, you certainly have a lot of knowledge and experience and a great selection of lights … Continue reading I LIKE TO SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESS ME
THE ACCIDENTAL HUMAN 