There has been growing speculation lately about the future potential of Artificial Intelligence. It seems some of our wealthiest thinkers and celebrity scientists are increasingly at odds over the evolutionary implications of the rise and rise of the machine mind. Some are convinced that in the not too distant future AI will be the salvation of … Continue reading I WOEBOT
For a sizeable proportion of the population life is destined to be lived like a sinner pulled between the wild eyed horses of the food and diet industries. It is the function of the food industry to make you eat what you think you want, to make you think it's your choice to have a … Continue reading I PREDICT A DIET
What is it with TV and moony lesbians? You can't have two girls in the same show these days without a certain frisson, an undercurrent of unspoken possibility and before you know it everyone else has left and the two girls are instantly engaged in a quick round of hide the vegan sausage. Nothing wrong … Continue reading MOONY TUNES
When I was a boy if my father was ever in error or had a misadventure he would always somehow manage to give the impression that whatever it was hadn’t actually happened. This gave rise to the notion that my father was unerring, which he was, except he wasn’t. It’s just that I have absolutely … Continue reading BUILT-IN OBSOLESCENCE VS. BUILT-IN REDUNDANCY
It has been well documented that we gauge our own intelligence by the intelligence of our peer groups. You might well be under the impression that you are incredibly clever but that could simply be because those you associate with aren't. You might well be the smartest person you know, the smartest person in the room, but that … Continue reading AVERAGE, PENNILESS, MONOGAMOUS, MISANTHROPIST
I am packing suitcases so that Libby, the boys and I can take our reluctant leave of Cornwall. I am being observed by a visiting Australian brother-in-law who for no particular reason, starts to sing absently. ‘I’m not a pheasant plucker, I’m a pheasant plucker’s mate, I'm only plucking pheasants…’ ‘Cos the pleasant fucker's...’ ‘LATE!’ He … Continue reading BAD LANGUAGE AND HOW TO USE IT
When I was a young man I once stood in front of the hall mirror and pushed back my hair to reveal my hairline. ‘Well,’ I said to myself proudly, ‘You never have to worry about going bald.’ So thick was my hair that, growing up, the only instruction my Gran would ever give the … Continue reading THE RECONCILABLE LOSS OF THE HAIR APPARENT
People don't read anymore, you're not reading this but in case you are, hello Mum. If you are not my Mother then I have to assume that you don't really want me to tell you anything so I will do my very best to only tell you things you think you are already aware of. … Continue reading DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER
What is it about dogs? They have horrible breath, ruin the sofa, trail mud, fart and leave, bury your wallet, push you over, bark at anything, lick your face, make you walk in the rain and pick up their poo. Let’s face it if that was someone you met on tinder you wouldn’t be meeting … Continue reading FOR THE LOVE OF DOG
What exactly is the fun part of getting old? When does it start? The fun. I keep hearing or reading about people who extol the depletion process. Celebrities often. Actors usually. They speak about finding themselves with age, about how they have reached a greater understanding of life, how they have learned to appreciate every … Continue reading THE SUN, THE PENDULUM AND THE ATOM
THE ACCIDENTAL HUMAN 